The gift of time

Lifestyle coach Brigitte von Boch on the dangers of too much of haste when it comes to buying presents, and the art of making people happy with little surprises.

Children have more imagination than we do. Or at least they are less self-conscious when it comes to expressing their wishes. Ask a child what they would like as a gift, and they’ll hand you a long list.Then, brimming with anticipation and excitement, they will wait to receive what they’ve asked for – and not just at Christmas time. But adults are different. They often can’t think of a single thing they’d like. In some cases, businessmen even task their secretary with finding a suitable gift for their wives or partners. Or they pick up something at an airport boutique. But who needs another stylish pen? Or scarf number ten from that acclaimed Parisian fashion house? Perfume is a gray area, too. Women select their favorite scent very carefully, and when they have made their choice, they stock up on it themselves to avoid running out.

Giving and receiving gifts seems to get more difficult with time – for both men and women. What would he/she really like? What do I want? We’ve already got everything we need. As managers of our own personalities, we’re not used to surprises. We’re always well prepared – it’s part of making a good impression in everyday life. But just because we stride through life with self confidence doesn’t necessarily mean our emotional worlds are just as good. That’s why my advice for the perfect gift is time – use your imagination to think how you could spend it together. Of course, some material presents bring us joy time and again, too. An unusual accessory such as a handmade bag can be a very special, personal gift, lending someone an aura of uniqueness that can be enjoyed every day. Books can also make a lasting impression. And there are women who would love to see an old, lovingly restored Beetle convertible on their driveway. But do we not derive the greatest pleasure from the things we don’t experience every day? Precious time shared with someone special is not something we forget in a hurry.

A classic on any wish list are two plane tickets to here or there. Wherever you end up, you can enjoy picking out souvenirs together that will remind you of the trip when you return home. Sometimes you don’t even have to travel very far. I for one delight in an unexpected winter outing to a Bavarian lake for an afternoon of the regional version of curling. You only have to use your imagination and the ideas start flowing: there’s a host of exciting ways to spend time with loved ones.

Why not book a trip in a hot air balloon as a gift? It’s something you’ve talked about but never done. And sharing the experience will be fun. I like the idea of taking off together. Giving gifts is a two-way process. And people who take it seriously are showing that they care about their relationships. The well-known adage “diamonds are a girl’s best friend” seems outdated these days – now that both sexes live a fulfilled life and have opportunities for self-realization. But complete self-realization doesn’t come without a downside: we’re developing autistic characteristics, and we need to address them.

That’s why I think presents are not just for holidays and certain days of the year. Giving time is about connecting with people – and accepting the collateral damage this may involve. We are unlikely to mention that the scarf was the wrong color or the tie too conservative for our taste. But when we take a trip together or share an adventure, certain conflicts are unavoidable. And these, in turn, can lead to new happiness. These are the ups and downs of life and we all have to live with them.

The degree and duration of enjoyment felt by someone receiving a gift is inversely proportional to the time taken to select it or the though that goes into it. I find this a good rule of thumb. A surprise love letter can be the best present. I know how ambitious careers can rob relationships of precious time. Perhaps that’s why I value those shared moments and experiences so much – and the children with their vivid imaginations. Giving and receiving gifts requires time.